Drop Insults

So I'm going through Brotherhood 2.0 desperately trying to find where I left off so that hopefully I can be privy to all of the jokes I seem to be left out on.....when I came across this piece of pure genius.

In which John reminds us that good insulting is a long-dead art form.

"I think that you're a herd of boils and plagues.
You monstrous malefactor.
Bad-headed puke stocking.
You stuffed cloak bag of guts.
You're just a huge bombard of sack.
You barren spoiled man; You carcass fit for hounds.
Dude, carcass fit for hounds? That's a burn.
Yeah, I know, right? Carcass fit for hounds? Not bad.
You valiant flea; You foul and ugly witch.
Oh shut up, you presumptuous vassal.
You fat and greasy citizen; you saucy lackey; you fancy mongerer.
Yeah? Well you're a mildewed ear.
You;re a timorous wrench.
Maybe so, but you're a foul misshapen stigmatic with an odoriferous stench.
You foul undigested lump!
Wait-lump of what?
Shakespeare didn't specify; maybe like...big league chew?
That disgusting; I'm just like a pound of big league chew sitting in somebody's stomach?
Now that's how you insult people. With Shakespeare. Nerdfighters FTW."
- John Green/Shakespeare.

I wish I could whip those out in a time of great need. Here's the viedo:

Too Cheap?

I was reading An Abundance of Katherines by John Green, and took a moment to smile, refflect on what I had read, and look at how many more pages I still had to get through to finish the book---don't get me wrong, it's very funny, but it's just not my kind of book, I suppose. While looking at the remaining pages, I noticed a gap and went to flip to that page to see what I had stuffed two-thirds of the way through and out fell a boarding pass (ATL to ABQ) and two movie tickets. The boarding pass was from my most recent trip to see my boyfriend, Evan and the movies tickets were from the 2:45 May 2007 showing of 28 Weeks Later at the Cottonwood Theater. Normally I just look at these and think of how many times I jumped during the movie while sitting next to the love of my life, but this time I really looked at what the tickets say:

Cottonwood (1307)
Presenting
28 WEEKS
2:45PM Fri 05/11/07
Matinee $6.75
9
06002100030009
05/11/07 02:32 PM
customer copy


"28 WEEKS" it says. Just "28 WEEKS". Why, at a theater charging $4 for a pack of twizlers, does my ticket say "28 WEEKS" instead of "28 WEEKS LATER"? There is enough room. There should be enough pay. how long does it take the average person to type "LATER"? Less than a second. If you're not sure where they hide the "L" it may take a little longer, but is that really a reason to leave that out? No.

Give me back my three dollars from my Twizlers and my five letters.

Summer Day

It was hot today. I got up around 9:45 to shower and get read to hang out with Dan. I watched tv waiting for him to call and then went to sleep for an hour and he called around noon and then we went to eat.

I wanted to pre-order Warhammer online, but Best Buy said they didn't have the boxes, so no pre-order.

I bought the Host, City of Bones and City of Ashes at Walden Books today, and I'll check and see if I can get them cheaper at Barnes and Noble.

Had a terrible headache and asked Dan to take me home. Evan called just as Dan was pulling into the neighborhood, so I called Evan back once I got inside. After chatting with the love of my life, I took a nap and when I woke up we went out to eat with grandma and Aunt Linda and Uncle John.

After dinner, I took a math test and got an 84%. I'll retake it tomorrow and hopefully do an awesome job on it.

I'm madly in love with Evan.

Early Mornin' Searchin'

"I am not a Starfleet commander, or T.J. Hooker. I don't live on Starship NCC-170...[some audience members say 'one'], or own a phaser. And I don't know anybody named Bones, Sulu, or Spock. And no, I've never had green alien sex, though I'm sure it would be quite an evening. [Pomp and Circumstance begins playing] I speak English and French, not Klingon! I drink Labatt's, not Romulan ale! And when someone says to me 'Live long and prosper', I seriously mean it when I say, 'Get a life'. My doctor's name is not McCoy, it's Ginsberg. And tribbles were puppets, not real animals. PUPPETS! And when I speak, I never, ever talk like every. Word. Is. Its. Own. Sentence. I live in California, but I was raised in Montreal. And yes, I've gone where no man has gone before, but I was in Mexico and her father gave me permission! My name is William Shatner, and I am Canadian!"
William Shatner

Ah, Sunday.

woke up around 11 to mom banging on my door.
Had a cookout at Aunt Linda's.
Worked starting at three.
I dealt with a bunch of stupid people and a few jerks. My boss Jake is so funny, though, so it was a fairly good day.
Came home and ate a hot dog and watched the Wedding Date with Christina.

I laughed so hard I cried today. Very funny.

Back To Work

Woke up cranky.
Got dressed.
Brushed hair.
Brushed teeth.
Desperately tried to eat something so would not pass out at work.
Ate one Toaster Strudel.
Rushed out the door.
Got to work one minute early.
Procrastinated:
1. Wrote down schedule
2. Wrote out availability
3. Re-wrote availability because of spelling mistakes and hostility level
4. Searched for sticky notes to write how I couldn't come in Thursday
5. Answered the phone and sat in manager's chair doing nothing
6. Looked at schedule online
10:11. Why won't time go by faster when I want it to?!

Dragged my feet to register and apologized to Dorene for taking too long



So nick gave me a funny email from a customer who wanted copies made of it. It was very funny.

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I'm going to shower and hopefully remember to edit this.

Friday Means Fish

woke up around two thirty and read some Blood Noir. I did a little homework and got read to go to Aunt Linda's so she and grandma could show mom, Chris and I how to make fish. seems fairly easy, but I don't like fish very much so I wasn't too impressed. I do know, however, that I prefer tilapia over catfish.

I just Wiki'ed tilapia...there are over a hundred species of tilapia. I wonder what I actually ate?

After dinner, I came home and finished Blood Noir. Now I'm going to get going on Ink Exchange.

I work tomorrow at 10 am and I am NOT excited. I really loved my week off. Hopefully, I'll be working with Jake tonight. He's definitely my favorite boss. Maybe it's because he comes to me when he doesn't know what he's supposed to do?
No.
It's because he's so effing funny!